West Coast Golf Club Inc

THE GOLFING NUN …

A nun walks into Mother Superior’s office and plunks down into a chair, she lets out a sigh heavy with frustration.
‘What troubles you, Sister?’ asked the Mother Superior, ‘I thought this was the day you spent with your family.’

‘It was,’ sighed the Sister. ‘And I went to play golf with my brother, we try to play golf as often as we can.  You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ.’

‘I seem to recall that,’ the Mother Superior agreed, ‘So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?’

‘Far from it,’ snorted the Sister. ‘In fact, I even took the Lord’s name in vain today!’

‘Goodness, Sister!’ gasped the Mother Superior, astonished, ‘You must tell me all about it!’

‘Well, we were on the fifth tee… and this hole is a monster, 540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg right and a hidden green.. 
and I hit the drive of my life, I creamed it the sweetest swing I ever made.
And it’s flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted… and it hits a bird in mid-flight!’

‘Oh my!’ commiserated the Mother, ‘How unfortunate! but surely that didn’t make you blaspheme, Sister!’

 ‘No, that wasn’t it,’ admitted Sister, ‘While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!’
‘Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!’ sympathized the Mother.

 ‘But I didn’t, Mother!’ sobbed the Sister, ‘And I was so proud of myself! and while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God,  this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!’

‘So that’s when you cursed,’ said the Mother with a knowing smile.
‘Nope, that wasn’t it either,’ cried the Sister, anguished, ‘because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!’

Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said…

‘You missed the f………. putt, didn’t you?’

Course            Old Course      Competition   Stableford
Conditions      Sunny               Players            16 members

Results                              Gross   Net  Points            
1^st  C/B David Hayes                96        72        36
2^nd        Alan Smith                   88        72        36
3^rd        John Campbell            89        72        36

Best Gross
Tony Fisk                                  82

Best Nine
John Campbell                        21

Nearest to Pin:
2^nd       David Hayes
6^th        –
13^th      David Hayes
16^th      David Hayes   

Eclectic

Podiums

Booking sheet
Next fixture: Monday 11 July, Tuart Course, Stableford, tee-off 9.00 am, cards in 8.40 am

Course             Old Course      Competition   Stroke
Conditions      Sunny               Players            17 members

Results                              Gross   Net                 
1^st         Tony Fisk                      77        72
2^nd        Alex Smith                   92        74
3^rd C/B Ian Johnsen                93        75
4^th        Barry Boyd                  102        75

Best Gross
Tony Fisk                                  77

Best Nine
Tony Fisk                                  19

Nearest to Pin:
2^nd        Brian Hills
6^th        Mike Spencer
13^th      Barry Boyd
16^th      John Campbell           

Eclectic

Podiums

Booking sheet
Next fixture: Friday 8 July, Old Course, Stableford, tee-off 9.32 am, cards in 9.12 am

Course            Tuart Course   Competition   Pairs Stableford Best Ball
Conditions      Sunny               Players            19 members

Pairs Results                                              Points
1^st         Garth Irvine  & John Stone                  43
2^nd        Rolfe Heldt & Bruce Morrison            42
3^rd        Carl Colli & David Hayes                      41
Individual Results       Gross   Net      Points
1^st         David Hayes                93        70        36
2^nd       Mike Spencer              87        72         34
3^rd        Rolfe Heldt                 86        73        33

Best Gross
Tony Fisk                                                           78

Best Nine
David Hayes c/b Mike Spencer                      20

Nearest to Pin:
3^rd        Jay Johnson
6^th        Jay Johnson
12^th      Tom Guthrie
18^th      John Stone      

Eclectic

Podiums

Booking sheet
Next fixture: Monday 4 July, Old Course, Stroke, tee-off 9.00 am, cards in 8.40 am

Course             Tuart Course   Competition   Stableford
Conditions      Sunny               Players            14 members

Results                               Gross   Net  Points
1^st         Bruce Morrison           88        70        36
2^nd        Alan Smith                   87        71        35
3^rd        Ian Johnsen                 89        72        34

Best Gross
Alan Smith                               87

Best Nine
Bruce Morrison                       19

Nearest to Pin:
3^rd        –
6^th        Bruce Morrison
12^th      David Hayes
18^th      Ian Johnsen    

Eclectic

Podiums

Booking sheet
Next fixture: Friday 1 July, Tuart Course, Pairs Stableford Best-ball, tee-off 9.00 am, cards in 8.40 am

Course             Old Course      Competition   Ambrose
Conditions      Sunny               Players            18 members

Results                                                                                                Gross     Net     
1^st         Mike Kimbar/Jay Johnson/Garth Irvine/Steve Huckle         66        58.375
2^nd        Carl Colli/Rolf Heldt/Bruce Morrison/Andy McLean           70        61.5
3^rd        John Stone/Mike Spencer/John Campbell/David Hayes      71        62.125
4^th        David Lynn/Graham Guy/Ian Johnsen/Gerry Gillett            72        62.875
Nearest to Pin:
2^nd        Garth Irvine
6^th        Mike Kimbar
13^th      Rolf Heldt
16^th      Steve Huckle  

Eclectic

Podiums

Next fixture: Monday 27 June, Tuart Course, Stableford, tee-off 9.00 am, cards in 8.40 am

Booking sheet
Wembley Golf management requires our expected numbers a week ahead of each fixture. The booking sheet is designed to inform the committee about your expectations for playing in the two or three weeks. It is experimental at this stage to see if you find this convenient and easy to use.  If we over-estimate how many starters we have, Wembley will reduce our starting slots, because we are preventing them ‘selling’ those slots to the public.  Equally, Wembley may prevent members starting if we have more people attending than the 24 slots we are allocated so we need a mechanism to be more accurate with our guesses.  Hopefully, the booking sheet will do the trick.  Please use it.

Course             Old Course       Competition   Par
Conditions      Sunny/misty    Players             18 members

Results                               Gross   Net  Score
1^st         Andy McLean              91        69        +3
2^nd       Bruce Morrison           90       71       Even
3^rd        C/B Mike Spencer     88        72        -1
             John Campbell, David Lynn                  
Best Gross
Tony Fisk                                              86
Best 9
Front – David Lynn                            +2
Back – Andy McLean                          +2
Nearest to Pin:
2^nd        Tony Fisk
6^th        Tony Fisk
13^th      Tom Guthrie
16^th      Andy McLean         

Eclectic

Podiums

Next fixture: Friday 24 June, Old Course, Ambrose, tee-off 9.40 am cards in 9.20 am

Booking sheet
Wembley Golf management requires our expected numbers a week ahead of each fixture. The booking sheet is designed to inform the committee about your expectations for playing in the coming two or three weeks. It is experimental at this stage to see if you find this convenient and easy to use.  If we continually over-estimate how many starters we have, Wembley may start reducing our starting slots, because we are preventing them ‘selling’ those slots to the public.  Equally, Wembley may prevent members starting if we have more people attending than the 24 slots we are allocated at present so we need a mechanism to be more accurate with our guesses.  Hopefully, the booking sheet will do the trick.  Please use it!

Course            Tuart Course   Competition   Stroke & Putts
Conditions      Cloudy             Players            15 members

Results                                    Gross   Net     
1^st  C/B Grant Saunders           87        72       
2^nd        Mike Kimbar               85        72
3^rd        Rolf Heldt                    87        73
Best Gross
Tony Fisk                                              78
Best 9
Mike Kimbar                                       21
Least putts
Tom McClain                                       29
Most Putts
David Hayes                                        38

Nearest to Pin:
3^rd        Grant Saunders
6^th        Grant Saunders
12^th      David Hayes
16^th      Tony Fisk         

The secretary congratulates the winner of the Fergus McDuff Trophy, David Hayes (right). Perhaps the burden of assuming the presidency of the West Coast Golf Club has put David off his game?

Eclectic

Podiums

Next fixture: Monday 20 June, Old Course, Par, tee-off 9.00 am cards in 8.40 am

Booking sheet
We are required to advise Wembley Golf management of our expected numbers a week ahead of each fixture. The booking sheet is designed to inform the committee about your expectations for playing in the two or three weeks. It is experimental at this stage to see if you find this convenient and easy to use.  If we over-estimate how many starters we have, Wembley will reduce our starting slots, because we are preventing them ‘selling’ those slots to the public.  Equally, Wembley may prevent members starting if we have more people attending than the 24 slots we are allocated so we need a mechanism to be more accurate with our guesses.  Hopefully, the booking sheet will do the trick.  Please use it!

Our mid-year lunch was held at the Marmion Angling and Aquatic Club on 15 June 2022 – thanks to Stephen Parkinson for arranging the venue and to Jimmy Chong, official club photographer, for the memories: –